Otherkin - A Calling of Self

by Ezikiel - 2009 May

I am quite hesitant to write this article. Not because of the delicate nature of Otherkin terminology/ semantics, but because every site or resource I've come across hasn't helped me understand my definition of self any more than the last. I'm one of those who are not content with how I am today, because I know that I can improve on who I am, and how I manifest my world. This journal and series of articles, among other things, is proof to myself that I am Becoming- though it is vague so far as to what that is. Even with the pedantic rambling I'm sure will ensue, hopefully this article will prove helpful.


While I do identify with a darker aspect of myself, calling it names is difficult. I feed as a vampire would, taking the life energy of others in order to sustain any sense of homeostasis. With out it, I become at first irritable, then downright ill with headaches, chills, an impressive appetite that never keeps me satiated, muscle pains, night terrors, and general intense unease. While I was going through these bouts of binge and such, I started to question why it is that my nature lends itself to the predatory parasitic. Not complaining, mind you- one can't really change who they are, just trying to understand how I came to be this way, and what it means to me to understand these concepts so acutely. Firstly, allow me to divulge a little more about myself than previously.

My Otherkin nature is a mystery to me. A mere shadow, though sentient. I've memories of several eons (of course, these are mostly speculative, but bare with me here) where I would float from dream to dream, earning from the Dreamer. through these subconscious travels, I learned my first thoughts, the uses of magic, and the importance of the arcane symbols. I began to understand my self through the experiences of others.

At first, I would begin as a side stepped obstacle in the dreams. I was simply a watcher on the landscape. Soon, with my new found knowledge, I was able to actively participate in the dreams of others. Not long after, I became the gaping Maw that people would run from, and this is when I learned to nourish myself on these dreams. I remember vividly the dreams of the Fae, the Celestials (though their dreams were more akin to guided meditations than anything else), and the God-forms. From the first dream, a part of me was alive. If the gods created while they were awake, I was what they manifested in their sleep. Their Children were my playground, and I was something formless and yet cohesive.

Now, this is not to suggest that I'm "UBER PWNAGE RaWWrrR," (clearly…) or really all that different from any other creation in the multitudes of consciousness that have existed from eons back- I was simply another of the dark children birthed from where ever it is the things that go bump in the night are. Creation mythos aside- and quite outside the scope of this article, let's move on to the more pressing matter of how these epiphanies came about.

My awakening, while devoid of any mentoring or understanding at first, was quite problematic. Try explaining to your parents that you can see and "taste," peoples "souls" and that you take them into yourself in order to survive. While at the tender age of 7, I didn't really have much more of a concept to base that on. Regardless, they didn't take it well. Even with the advent of the internet, there wasn't a lot of information out there 13 years ago on Otherkin, or the Vampyre community.

It wasn't until much later, after learning how to cope in silence, did I learn of the Vampire community. Still being a minor, finding answers and getting contacts within the community was difficult, though I was able to find a few people willing to at least point me in the direction of several good books and websites that would suffice until I was 18. This period of learning and absorbing knowledge was greatly fueled by my spark of interest in the Occult. Several of the posts so far on the Dusty Grimoire have been from practices I've adapted and hypothesis I've developed during this time.

During my studies, I learned of Psionics- mostly through Psipog.org and their IRC client chat rooms. I made myself comfortable there and made great use of their articles (which are still archived, and suggest them highly) to fuel my understandings of magic and energy work, And still use their basics of energy manipulation in my daily meditations.

And, that's pretty much where I'm at today. I wanted to thank you all, once again, for keeping up with the Dusty Grimoire so far. Hopefully I've been of help or at least somewhat interesting. Feel free to message me or e-mail me at Ezikiel@dustygrimoi re.com- if you have Google talk even better.